Let Go and Let God

The last year of my mother’s life, I watched her grow.  Though physically she was declining at a rapid rate, her spirit drew closer to God and family.  She grew in trust.  She grew in humility.  She grew in a longing for Home. 

Mom had spent the last several years fighting.  Fighting for breath.  Fighting for the very best care for my dad.  Fighting to have her opinions heard.  Fighting for time with lost souls so that she might lead them to Christ.  All noble battles, but it was time to let go and let God have His way.  He was calling her Home.

Less than a month before Mom died, my little sister put an e-mail out to the sibs.  She said she felt a strong impression that we needed to pray for the Lord to have His will with my mom’s health.  Though I had prayed for her regularly up until then, the e-mail convicted me to pray for Mom every single time I thought of her, which was many times a day.  My prayer was very simple but consistent: “Lord, might this be the moment you take my Mother home?  Let it be, if that be Your will.”  You see, I needed to let go, too.  Though it would be painful to lose her, I knew she would be so much better off in heaven.  It was as if she could not go peacefully unless those she loved the most were at peace with it, too.

The last time I saw my mother alive was about 10:30 p.m., four and a half hours before she died.  Her eyes were fixed on heaven, and she had been non-responsive to me all evening.  The very last thing I said to her was, “Mom, I don’t know if you can hear me, but I want to tell you one more time that I love you.  We all love you.  We will take care of Dad.  It’s OK for you to go.”  And so it was.