The Forgetfulness Treatment -- Five Steps

Though I barely got through Biology in high school, I have surrounded myself with nurse types long enough to at least fake an understanding of what they're talking about.

You may know that I write fiction every chance I get. You may not know that I also work as the Sanctuary Educator for one of the largest Catholic health organizations in the country. I get to write for them, too, but it's more in the way of developing learning modules surrounding elder topics. It is not uncommon for me to research various medical ailments, like memory loss, as I seek to inspire our care partners toward excellence in resident-centered care.

My research tells me that the brain is like a muscle. We have these synaptic connections that kind of spark new information into the brain. We "spark" the connections by challenging them -- living an active lifestyle, eating right, reading, communicating and building relationships in meaningful ways, enjoying the fine arts, and overall living a well-balanced life.

The more we engage these synaptic connections, the more dendritic branches we create. These dendritic branches interconnect brain cells, which make our brains function better. Meanwhile, we're strengthening our hippocampus -- the area responsible for memory and learning -- with all of this effort.

So why would I even think about posting information about forgetfulness? Maybe it's because not everything is worth remembering.

You know what I'm talking about: the pain of a relationship gone bad; the repeated failure in an area of particular challenge; the voices in your head that keep insisting that, "You can't," or "You're no good," or "You're not worth it." Hanging on to these things actually holds us back from strengthening our brains, our outlooks, our lives.

It's easier to say, "Just forget it," than to actually carry that through, though, right? Try these five steps in incorporating The Forgetfulness Treatment into your life:

1. Come to terms with the origins of the memories. You can try to stuff them down, drink yourself numb, or overcompensate with any number of good deeds. But you can't let go of these bitter memories until you examine the source of your pain. Ouch. I know. But suppression is nothing but a jerry rig. You might need help by way of counseling or a trusted friend. You might be able to look it head-on through journaling. But one way or another, you must give yourself permission to feel the effects of this pain.
2. Acknowledge any part you played. Any experience you have had, good or bad, is not entirely your doing. Sometimes it's not your fault at all. Sometimes there's at least a smidgen of something you could have changed. Sometimes you bear the biggest brunt. Point is, there is always someone else carrying part of the responsibility. Acknowledge your part, but don't take more on than is justified.
3. Look for the lesson. If you consider every person in history who ever created anything worthwhile, you will soon see a similarity: before they embarked on their next attempt at success, they learned the lesson from their last failure. They didn't carry all of the failures around like a burden on their backs. They looked, they learned, they made modifications, and they let go so they could try again. You were meant to learn something from this pain. Don't waste it.
4. Create a mantra. This mantra should include the experience itself, as well as what you have learned from it. For example, if you have a painful memory of abuse, your mantra might read: "Through the memory of being emotionally abused, I am learning to be a stronger person. I'll watch for and recognize the signs so that no one takes advantage of me like that in the future."
5. Pray it through. I maybe should have started with this one! But I wanted to end with it because, well, we're talking about God here. He can help you conquer the pain better than any drug. I believe with all my heart that He is the source of your peace and of your forgiveness. He will be the One who will remind you of the importance of forgiveness toward both the pain and the perpetrator. It will be He who leads you down that path of forgiveness. If you give Him permission, it will be He who reminds you, "I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world." (John 16:33, NIV)

It is only in the application of The Forgiveness Treatment that we can be restored to the life balance we crave.

What painful memory in your life could use the Forgetfulness Treatment?

Enjoy your day. Enjoy this blog.